You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
