Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love you. Go after that dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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