You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
