what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
