My cat gives me a boner
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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