I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
