Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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