So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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