I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
