my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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