it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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