please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
