they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
