I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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