your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
