Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
