I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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