She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
