You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
