He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
