and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
