I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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