you told grandpa to call you daddy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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