She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
