Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
