so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
