I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
