all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
