Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
