so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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