drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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