pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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