Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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