I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
