Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
