I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
