The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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