I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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