I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
