How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
