I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
