I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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