Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
