I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
