shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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