please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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