I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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