Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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