Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mom said you looked used
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
