someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
