hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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