I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
