U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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