did you get engaged???
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
